


Stay the Course

by sporadic_obsession



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Aquarius/Scorpio, Erza Scarlet/Jellal Fernandez - Freeform, F/M, Gray Fullbuster/Juvia Lockser - Freeform, Mentions of Drowning, Minor mentions of other ships - Freeform, Near-Death Experience, There’s other characters mentioned as well, a LOT of grief, mentions of grief, tagged characters are the ones who talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-11
Updated: 2020-10-11
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:13:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26956384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sporadic_obsession/pseuds/sporadic_obsession
Summary: “I thought that I could do this on my own,I thought that I could conquer any storm,But lost in the tide I hear your voice echoing,‘Stay the course’.”Or, when Lucy finally breaks down about losing Aquarius.
Relationships: Natsu Dragneel/Lucy Heartfilia
Comments: 13
Kudos: 115





	Stay the Course

**Author's Note:**

> Yo!
> 
> This is a fic inspired by coldrain’s song Stay the Course, hence the lyrics in the summary and the title. It’s full of angst and sadness but also fluff to make up for how terrible I am.  
> Thank you for choosing to read this!

“Lucy-sama?”

The question came from Lucy’s left, and the blonde smiled as she turned her head slightly to face the blue-haired mage. Wendy had a curious look in her eyes, staring at a spot below Lucy’s chin. “What’s that on your neck?”

Lucy blanked at the unexpected question, a million scenarios passing through her head - did she have a cut there? Was there some kind of embarrassing tattoo she’d gotten when drunk? Was there a mole growing? Worse - did she have a hickey? And if so, who was the culprit? It was true she’d had quite a bit to drink the night before, but she didn’t think she’d gotten to the point where she could get a hickey and not remember it. Lifting her hand to the spot she’d seen Wendy stare at, feeling everyone’s eyes on her now as well, she felt her neck for an anomaly and could only feel her usual soft skin, and the roughness of the cord where she’d hung Aquarius’ broken key. Unsatisfied, she grabbed at her purse, resting by her hip, until she found the tiny mirror she always carried around in case of a hair emergency, and lifted it so she could see her reflection - there was nothing there, pale skin unchanged.

“I- what? There’s nothing there, Wendy,” Lucy finally replied, confusion now coating her features. Her eyes scrunched as Wendy frowned slightly, pointing at the same point of her neck.

“The cord. Did you get a new necklace?”

Lucy blinked a few times, mirror closing in her hand as she shut it by instinct. She touched the black cord softly, tugging it ever so slightly - not enough to have it draw attention to the pendant hanging from it, but just enough to remind herself of why it was there. She was sure she’d told everyone about Aquarius before, right? She racked her brain to remember the moment, and realized she had briefly mentioned it - when they were facing off against Zeref, she had told them at some point that her goal, when everything was over, was to go look for Aquarius’ key, which she’d found had reappeared somewhere in the continent. She frowned a little, because she was sure they had to have known - she’d been wearing this necklace for so long now, they couldn’t not have noticed.

Turning her head, lips set in a straight line, Lucy stared at Gray.

“Gray. Remember when we were talking about what we wanted to do after we beat Zeref?,” she questioned, trying to hold herself together. She usually had a good grip on her worst emotions, the anger and bitterness she felt sometimes over things she couldn’t control being easily transformed into encouragement to make sure things turned out different. When Gray nodded, she leaned forward slightly. “What did I say I wanted to do when it was all over?”

There was a confused silence amongst the friends, and Lucy blinked twice, quickly, as she tried to decipher whether or not she had really felt her heart skip a painful beat, or if that was just something else.

“Ah... uh, look for Aquarius’ key, right?” Lucy started to relax at the realization that yes, she had mentioned it, but before she could turn to Wendy to answer her question, Gray spoke again. “What’s up with that, by the way? Did you lose it? How do you lose a single key on a key ring?” Gray snickered in jest, but stopped as soon as he saw Lucy’s expression.

Lucy could usually control her emotions pretty well, choosing to only let out the ones that wouldn’t hurt her friends. In that moment, however, she couldn’t stop her facial expression from displaying the lingering feelings she’d shoved so deep down her chest she thought they’d never ressurge. Her eyes flickered between hurt, sadness, bitterness, to loneliness and, at last, anger. Eyebrows furrowed and jaw clenched, she surveyed her peers around the table.

Erza, who had been in the middle of a bite of strawberry cake, seemed unusually scared as she saw Lucy’s expression, but the blonde celestial mage could see the curiosity in her eyes; Juvia was so concerned hanging over Gray’s arm to protect him, she wasn’t even looking at Lucy; Gray, himself, was frozen in his spot, eyebrow raised in confusion; Natsu was still snickering lowly at the question, and Lucy could see he was already thinking of a millions ways to spin the joke so it could be even funnier - even in this, he competed with his best friend; Wendy still sported the same confused expression from earlier, head tilted slightly as she blinked at Lucy’s expression.

Feeling her heart pound heavily in her chest, Lucy clenched her fists on her lap, trying to take deep breaths to hold herself steady.

“Erza,” she called out, earning an affirmative response from the red-haired woman. “What do you remember about Tartaros and being stuck in Alegria?” Lucy knew she was glaring at Erza, and that was probably not the best idea, but she couldn’t stop it now; she could feel the emotions swirl up her throat, and before Erza responded, she was already continuing. “Because I remember a lot. I didn’t get stuck - I was the only one who didn’t. I had to fight to get you all free. I called three spirits out to help me fight those bastards, and it wasn’t enough.” Lucy’s jaw felt like it would snap if she clenched it any harder, words passing through gritted teeth. “I fought my hardest and it wasn’t enough, and then Aquarius was there, and she knew what could help, and I had no other way, I—“

Feeling her heart beat faster, Lucy stood up from her stool, feeling it fall behind her but not caring in the slightest.

“I had to break Aquarius key.”

At her words, she pulled at the cord around her neck forcefully, marking her soft white skin a slight red, the remains of her spirit’s key hanging in front of her chest. She saw the realization in her friends’ eyes and it should’ve felt good to say it, to not have to carry this burden alone, but it only hurt - she was suddenly reminded of how much it hurt and if she stood around any longer, she knew she would break completely. Turning around, she tried to walk away from the table with a soft “excuse me”, but felt her feet stop as a warm hand held her wrist gently.

“Luce,” said Natsu, words obviously coated in hurt for his friend, “why didn’t you say anything?”

Lucy knew what he meant - she had had plenty of opportunities to bring it up since then. It had been six months since their fight with Zeref, she could’ve said something in the meantime - but she’d assumed they’d realized; she’d assumed they’d noticed she never called on Aquarius to help her anymore, and that Loke seemed to be around more often than not, hovering worriedly around Lucy, as if he was scared she’d suddenly break. She’d assumed they’d been attentive enough to notice how she kept picking jobs where Celestial Keys were a possible reward in the hopes one of them was Aquarius, and how often she mentioned that she had a lot to tell her when she found her again.

Feeling her anger and pain boil over, she turned to face Natsu once again, her words loud enough to quiet the whole guild.

“Because you left!”

She knew the second she said the words, there was no turning back, but she couldn’t seem to stop - even when it looked like she’d Lucy-kicked Natsu in the chest, his eyes wide and mouth agape as he stared at her.

“You left a fucking letter at my place and disappeared, and I ran and ran trying to find you and you were gone too!” She knew that everyone was listening now, and instead of feeling embarrassed by her outburst, it only fueled the grief in her heart, the darkness gripping at her soul as she ripped her wrist from Natsu’s hold.

“You all left!” She gave a pointed look at poor Wendy, who now looked like she regretted even being born. “You joined other guilds,” she spat out, seeing the hurt in the blue-haired magic before turning to look between Erza and Gray. “You went on missions together,” she looked at Juvia, feeling a pang of sympathy for the woman, “and even the people you took with you, you abandoned.” Taking a step back, she felt a tear roll down her cheek. “You all went and lived your lives and I was stuck here alone, grieving and looking for all of you! I lost her to save you and you all just left!”

“Lucy, that’s enough!”

Turning around to glare at the origin of the voice, Lucy scoffed at Cana, glare reaching her in just a second. She couldn’t fault them all for moving on, she knew she couldn’t, but they couldn’t ask her to not be hurt by it when she’d been the one who’d stayed behind, forgotten.

“Luce, I—“

Turning just her head, Lucy looked down at Natsu, who still looked like he’d been physically injured by her verbal attack.

“Stop it. Just... stop it.” Lucy’s voice quieted down considerably, displaying what really was behind all her anger - a pain so deep, it looked almost like a dark shadow fell over her; for a second, she wondered if this was what fuelled Rogue’s own shadow, and felt for the boy. Closing her eyes, she sighed and then looked at Natsu once again. “You were gone, Natsu. You said you’d protect me but then you left, and I had no one. I know... I know you thought everyone else would still be here, but... I needed you.”

As silence fell once again over the guild, Lucy clutched Aquarius’ key in her hand, feeling the sharpest edge of it break her skin but not caring.

“I... I’m going now.”

This time, no one stopped her. Head hanging low, pain sizzling through the palm of her hand, Lucy walked out of the guild and headed down the road to a path she’d become familiar with over her months back in Magnolia. In Crocus, she’d gone daily to the nearest lake to look at the water for hours on-end, hoping, somehow, that it would give her some answers, some comfort. She’d wished every day that she could just will Aquarius back into her life by simply begging under the moonlight, hand dipped in the water - Loke had sat by her side many of those times, pulling her away once it was late enough and her body crumbled to hunger.

When she’d returned to Magnolia, she’d picked up the same routine as soon as possible - this time, she found the quickest route to the beach, where she’d sit near the water and just stare ahead. Aquarius had been so adamant, before, that Lucy shouldn’t call her from small pools of water or the tub or the toilet, and now that Lucy had found the vastest ocean where she could call her, she had no way to do it. Many nights, way too late, she’d come to the ocean and briefly wondered if Aquarius would ever come back; when it was too much to bear think about, Loke would appear as if he knew she was troubled, and hold her as she cried.

As Lucy reached the beach once again, she noticed that it seemed like a storm was brewing in the distance. The waves were rising higher than normal, breaking on the shore with a loud crash that should’ve scared her - but Lucy wasn’t scared. She’d been swept by Aquarius’ own waves too many times to count, and those were way scarier. In a moment of madness, Lucy thought that, maybe, if she was swept in these waves, Aquarius would come save her - despite how much the celestial spirit had complained, Lucy had known, in the end, how much she loved her. That had to count for something, right?

Without hesitation, Lucy headed towards the ocean, walking into it far enough for the water to go up to her knees. She didn’t bother taking off her shoes or socks, the wetness not bothering her as she removed the necklace from around her neck. Holding the broken key above her head, she took a deep breath before she looked ahead.

“Open, gate of the Water Bearer - Aquarius!”

She placed the broken key into the water as she called her name, but nothing happened. Determined, Lucy followed the motions once again, this time calling out louder than before. When that didn’t work, she tried it again, and again, and again, until all she did was call Aquarius’ name as she shoved the sharp edge of her broken key into the water surface. She was yelling loud, voice rough as the wind picked up and her throat started to hurt. Her face was wet with her tears as well as the droplets of the ocean water as the waves broke closer to her; her clothes hug her tightly, soaked through already, but she didn’t stop.

“Aquarius!”

She called her name again, and a higher wave she hadn’t seen coming completely covered her, making her lose her footing. She began to drift deeper into the ocean, and for a second she let herself go with it, her mind believing this was Aquarius taking her to where she was. Realistically, she knew that couldn’t happen, Aquarius had explained as much, but she was too far gone.

Lucy came to her senses as she felt strong arms wrap around her middle, pulling her back, out of the water completely. Coughing as she tried to gasp for breath, she let herself be dragged back to the sand, falling back as she felt the person who grabbed her sit down on a spot further away from the ocean than she usually stood, letting herself be held as she sat between two strong legs. She felt warmth all around her, and couldn’t see straight because of foggy vision but knew that, if she could focus on it, she’d see smoke rise out of her clothes as they dried abnormally quick.

“Luce, I’m sorry.”

Lucy had known it was Natsu grabbing her the moment he’d first touched her under the water but his breath on her neck still sent a shiver down her spine. She felt him tighten his arms around her, probably hoping to fend off the cold he assumed she felt from her soft tremble.

“It’s okay, Natsu,” she replied coarsely, coughing to clear her voice a little more. “You were dealing with losing Igneel, and you didn’t know... You didn’t know about Aquarius, and that I’d be all a-alone.” Raising her right hand, Lucy placed it over Natsu’s forearm over her waist, looking down at her guild mark gloomily. “I’ve lost so many people, but I still... I still don’t know how to deal with it. I try to be the Lucy you met, so happy and carefree, but... so many people I love have died... or disappeared... I don’t know how to deal with it.”

“It’s ok, Luce.” Natsu’s voice was quiet, unlike any other time Lucy had heard him. He was usually loud and explosive, words either brimming with happiness or burning with rage. “You weren’t alone though, not really... You had Loke and your spirits, Jason and the people at Sorcerer’s Weekly, and us... we were always right here,” he placed his hand on her chest, above her left breast, where he assumed her heart was. Usually, that would be enough for Lucy to kick him so far away he became a twinkling light in the sky, but this time she didn’t move his hand. “I should’ve taken you with me, still. We could’ve trained together, and I’m sure I’d have eaten a lot better if you’d been there.”

Lucy couldn’t help but chuckle at Natsu’s words, her eyes closing in tiredness from crying as she relaxed back against him. She could hear the storm rumble away in the distance, but didn’t dare peek to see if the sky was clearing or not - Natsu felt warm, his chiseled chest more comfortable than she had guessed. Feeling her breath begin to slow, she was going to force herself to move away in order to avoid falling asleep, but Natsu’s arms tightened around her and she swore she felt him kiss the top of her head.

“S’okay, Luce,” he whispered against her hair, and now Lucy knew he really had kissed her head, as he lifted the hand that wasn’t on her head to brush some hairs away from her face. “Sleep... I’ll still be here in the morning. Promise.”

* * *

When morning came and the sun began to rise, Lucy’s senses slowly began to wake her from her slumber. She’d slept well, like she hadn’t in well over a year, and before she could truly begin to stir, she realized that the arms she’d fallen asleep in last night were still around her, warm and protective, as his voice whispered in exhasperation.

“Shut it, Ice Princess, she’s fine,” Natsu grumbled, his hold around her tightening ever so slightly, as if to make sure she really was fine. “She’s warm here, I didn’t wanna move her all the way back and risk waking her, she hasn’t slept this long ever since I came back.” Lucy heard the slight frown in Natsu’s voice, and once again felt the slight tingle of his lips kissing the top of her head, although it was short-lived as Gray had asked Natsu how he knew she hadn’t slept. “Duh-uh, I go to her apartment every night, Ice Brain. Her bed’s way comfier than mine.”

Deciding now would be a good time to end their conversation before Natsu spun it completely out of control, saying things that sounded too much like they were dating when, in fact, they were just best friends, she stirred slightly, realizing just then that her legs were trapped under Natsu’s as he had wrapped himself completely around her, almost like a backpack. Blinking her eyes open slowly, she was met with the beginnings of the sunrise as night became day, and stared ahead at the sea for a moment - it was now calm and quiet, a stark contrast from how it had been the previous night.

“Lucy!” Happy’s excited voice was the first to greet her, and she suddenly had an armful of the Exceed, who’d rushed straight into her chest. She couldn’t help her hand from softly petting his blue fur, a smile gracing her lips - despite how stubborn and annoying the cat could get, Lucy loved him like family. “Lu-shee, you and Natsu weren’t in your room last night and I got scared! Loke had to come get me and then Gray was looking for you too and Erza and Wendy and and and—“ Happy’s little frown had tears brimming in his eyes, and Lucy cuddled him a little closer. “I love you, Lucy.”

Feeling her heart stutter at the words, Lucy kissed the top of Happy’s head as Natsu had done to her not long ago, clearing her throat with a soft cough - she knew she’d have to get Wendy to heal her throat from all her screaming the night before, but she could handle this a little while longer.

“I love you too, Happy,” she whispered, her voice sounding rough in the quiet of the morning. She should’ve pulled away from Natsu’s hold by now, Lucy-kicked him away from her for being too close, but she found she didn’t want to. He was warm, comfortable - being in his arms felt like peace, and she hadn’t felt peace in a very long time. This reminded her of when they’d finally defeated Acnologia and Natsu had fallen from the sky, landing on top of her and Happy; in that moment, too, she had felt peace as Natsu grinned down at her and greeted them as if he was husband coming home after a long day of work.

Remembering that moment had a slight blush rise in Lucy’s cheeks, and before it spread any further, she chose to focus on her surroundings, wanting to know who, besides Gray, was there. Looking to her left, she saw Erza sitting with Jellal next to her, and wondered if the man had come to look for Lucy out of his own worry or if he simply couldn’t stand to not help Erza achieve anything she needed; she found she didn’t mind anyway - Erza and Jellal’s relationship had been somewhat of a slow burn ever since he’d been pardoned, but Lucy knew Erza was her happiest when the man was around, and that was a feeling Lucy could comprehend all too well. Next to them, she saw Wendy and Charlie, in her human form, looking at her with worry in their features, Wendy’s expression also conveying guilt; she’d been too harsh on the teenager the day before, and Lucy would have to seriously apologize for it - Wendy was just a kid, and had to deal with so much as it was, Lucy shouldn’t have snapped at her, from all people.

Looking to her right, she saw Gray sitting with his legs crossed, his eyes on the sunrise as it happened; he looked deep in thought, his lips formed in a small frown, one of his hands playing with sand as the other was taken by Juvia. The blue-haired water mage, for once, wasn’t clinging to Gray or staring at him with love written all over her face, and was instead looking straight at Lucy with both comprehension and guilt. Loke was standing, next to them, arms crossed over his chest as he frowned. Out of all of them, he was the only one who didn’t look guilty or pained, instead she could spot the concern mixed with the anger in his expression.

“Lucy,” the celestial spirit called out, and she hung her head, sighing softly as she prepared for a conversation they’d had one too many times. “I thought we were done with this.” Lucy felt Natsu’s arms squeeze her gently, and heard him hold his breath for a second; she had failed to mention she’d almost drowned quite a few times when he was away, hadn’t she? “I thought you’d stopped being this reckless after last time, but then you go and do this again. What if Natsu hadn’t gotten here in time? What if I wasn’t able to make it through the waves? Who would save you then?”

“I know, Loke,” Lucy replied in a whisper, her arms still around Happy as she lifted her knees to make herself as small as possible. “I’m sorry.”

“Princess,” Virgo’s voice came, and Lucy lifted her face to see that her celestial spirits had all manifested in front of her, Virgo being the closest. As the pink-haired maid kneeled in front of her, big eyes sad, she held out a hand towards Lucy. “That’s enough punishment for you.” Virgo stepped aside, as did the rest of her spirits, and Lucy found herself facing the sea once again - this time, however, she could see someone there, and although she felt scared of the expression on the woman’s face, her heart was bursting with happiness and relief.

Aquarius was floating above the water, but as the spirits made their space, she floated over to the spot Virgo previously occupied, eyes narrowed in irritation and lips set in a deep frown. Lucy was ready for her words, for everything that came with annoying Aquarius like she had so many times, but smiled still, feeling the tears swell in her eyes once again.

“You idiot,” Aquarius had said, but the heat of the usual annoyance wasn’t in her tone; instead, Lucy could spot the worry in her voice, the same kind of worry she’d heard her use when she’d asked her to break her key. She’d expected anger, a scolding unlike any other, but as the water bearer reached for her with both arms, Lucy was quick to untangle herself from Natsu’s limbs, gently placing Happy on the sand next to them before she surged forward and into Aquarius’ embrace. “If you die, then who’s going to find my key? Who’s going to take all your spirits and take care of them like you do? “ Aquarius’ hand was now caressing Lucy’s hair, brushing it down gently like sometimes she would after Lucy’s bath, when she was little. “I know you’ve lost a lot, I was there for it, but you can’t just think about that. Layla would’ve wanted you to be happy and strong, she would be so proud of you for doing what’s right even when it hurt.” Aquarius paused for a second, pulling away softly to scowl at Natsu. “I’m proud of you, Lucy, but do you mind if I drown that idiot of a dragon slayer once I’m back?”

Lucy heard Natsu shriek in fear and couldn’t stop the giggles bubbling up her chest. Keeping herself in Aquarius’ arms, she turned slightly to look at the dejected fire mage, whose eyes were now on her, almost like he was a puppy begging forgiveness for some kind of wrong-doing. She nodded her head with a grin, seeing Natsu pout as she agreed to Aquarius’ request, and then chuckled.

“You heard it, boy,” Aquarius’ voice was heard once again, this time the tone she used was the one Lucy was used to hearing, and she sighed happily in her arms. “Once the key’s found, you’re going to get a piece of my mind. How much of an idiot do you have to be to go hike for a whole year and hope for the best?!” Suddenly, she turned to Gray, who was now as terrified as his best friend. “And you! How could you leave Juvia like that, you scoundrel?! Lucy, can I drown them both?” Lucy nodded once again, entertained by Aquarius’ protective side, and full on belly-laughed as the boys looked at each other in terror. “I’m so glad Scorpio’s not like you two, he’d never pull that on me,” the water-bearer commented, and Lucy looked up at her, slightly puzzled. She could understand comparing Gray and Juvia’s relationship to her dating Scorpio, but Natsu? Natsu and Lucy? That was nothing like that! Not that she’d mind if it was, but still.

“Babe, we have to go,” Scorpio’s voice broke through Lucy’s thoughts and, although she didn’t want to, she released herself from Aquarius’ arms. Immediately, she felt Natsu pull her into his arms once again, and she should’ve pushed him away this time as well, but didn’t. She watched as Scorpio wrapped an arm around the blue-haired water-bearer, who now looked sweet and innocent and just completely calm. “Lucy, when you’re feeling like this, just call on me, yeah? I won’t be able to bring her in all the time, but I can tell you how she’s doin’.” The red-haired celestial spirit lifted his hand in a final wave as the spirits began dissipating into their own world, Aquarius being last as she gave a genuine smile towards Lucy, and then she was gone.

Staring once again at the sea in front of her, Lucy leaned back against Natsu’s chest, allowing the warmth of his embrace to comfort her for a moment; she felt a little better now that she had let out all her bad feelings, almost as if they’d been chaining her to her grief simply because she was the only one who knew about them, and now she could finally breathe. The blonde closed her eyes and her head fell back against her best friend’s shoulder, turning slightly so her forehead was pressed against the soft skin of his chin for a few seconds. This kind of contact seemed very intimate, and she should be pulling away and denying herself of it, but she had no strength left to fight how good it felt, and despite knowing they were being watched, nuzzled softly against his his face before pulling away, sitting upright.

“Alright, who’s hungry? Breakfast’s on me.” Taking a deep breath, Lucy gently pried Natsu’s arms from around her, thumbs caressing at them gently before she let go. She stretched forward to ease her limbs, and then used her core strength to stand up, immediately turning towards her friends. “It’s the least I can do, after all this,” she said, sheepish smile on her lips. She watched as they all stood up, but tilted her head as Natsu remained sitting down. “Natsu?”

“Can... can I talk to you for a second?” The pink-haired mage asked, and Lucy frowned slightly, worried; was he about to tell her he had to leave again? Nonetheless, she nodded, extending her hand so he could get up with her help. “You can all go ahead, we’ll catch up soon enough,” the man continued, and their friends did as asked. When Happy didn’t leave, he nudged the Exceed slightly. “Go with them Happy, we’ll be right there.”

Lucy watched as their friends walked away until they were out of sight, Happy flying behind them with one last glance at her and Natsu. Once they were all gone, she turned to look at the man once more, watching him as he seemed to think over his words. He wasn’t usually one to ponder over his words, saying whatever came to mind as he saw fit, so to realize that he was thinking so hard on what he wanted to say worried the blonde girl. Her brown eyes studied his face as they stood in silence, eyes taking in how much he’d grown over the years. They’d been so young and innocent when they’d met, despite the tragedies they’d already faced; sometimes, she wished they could go back to when things weren’t as complicated, where the only thing that mattered was how many jewels they could get from their jobs together.

“You can’t do that again.” Finally, Natsu spoke, and Lucy immediately blushed at his straightforward command. She wasn’t expecting a scolding from him, but she knew it was deserved. Yet, the man was, as always, a Pandora box full of surprises. “I can’t lose you too, Luce,” he continued, and she felt her heart speed up its rhythm inside her rib cage; she’d always wondered if one’s heart racing was a myth, now she knew it was not. “I saw you die one too many times already... I almost lost you way too many times.” His words seemed pained, and Lucy wanted nothing more than to comfort him; from the beginning, he’d been saving her, and she knew he’d thought he’d failed at it one too many times before she proved he was wrong. “I went away ‘cause I was scared to lose you after I lost Igneel... I wanted to be stronger, strong enough to not have to go through all that again, to protect your future... our future.”

Natsu’s eyes, which had been focused on the sea behind Lucy, finally met hers and she swore she felt her heart stop for a second. Natsu, oblivious as he was, probably didn’t realize what it sounded like to her when he talked about their future... almost like their future wasn’t just a combination of each of their futures meeting by circumstance, but almost like it was the exact same path all along. She wanted to ask him what he meant, but fear of the answer stopped the words from coming out. Instead, she allowed herself, for a few moments, to look at him as she only did when she was alone - she let herself admire his face, the crinkles by his eyes and lips from when he grinned so big it brightened her whole day, the scar on his cheek from one too many fights, the untamed pink hair she’d always wanted to grab and caress like it was Happy’s fur. Her eyes fell to his naked shoulder, to his guild mark and she itched to reach out and touch it, compare it to the mark on the back of her hand and see if it was as soft as the one she had, and just as sensitive. She didn’t dare look down further, knowing full well he was wearing his vest over his shirtless torso and if she looked there she’d be lost for good.

She looked back at his face and noticed the slight tint in his cheeks, which made her own cheeks flare up softly.

“Look, Luce, it’s no excuse but I thought about you all that time,” he continued, hand messing with the hair at the nape of his neck as he continued to look at her. “At first, I... I saw you die a lot. It made me angry and it made me train a lot harder than before... but it wasn’t going so well, the anger burned me up quicker than I wanted, I was only powerful for a short moment.” He smiled gently and Lucy had to fight the urge to reach out and place her palm on his cheek to try and memorize the shape of his face in that tender moment. “Then I remembered the good stuff... how silly you looked when we first met, and the smiles you gave me when I saved you time and time again, and how happy you were to try out the whip Virgo gave you... I remembered how nice it felt to sleep in your bed and how beautiful you looked when you slept, so calm and soft, and that’s what kept me going, what made me train so hard. I wanted to protect you so bad, I only ended up making things worse for you.”

The celestial mage saw shame fill her friend’s expression and she couldn’t take it any longer. Natsu had always been dubbed as oblivious to love, but she knew from Lisanna that he knew exactly what love was, what love meant and what it was that lovers did. Not the physical stuff, she had no knowledge about whether or not he was experienced in that field, but Lisanna had told her about their play-pretend house in the woods, where they’d started raising Happy when he’d been just a tiny little Exceed. Lisanna had told Lucy how she’d always have to force Natsu to announce his arrival at their little play pretend house just so she could welcome him, like she knew couples did. Lucy had never figured out why Lisanna had thought that relevant for her to know, but then she remembered Natsu falling from the sky after he’d defeated the Dragon King, and how he’d grinned down at her and said “I’m home”, how natural it had felt for her to say “Welcome back!” alongside Happy, almost like all of them of them were a perfect little family of three. For a moment, she wondered if Natsu had noticed that too.

“I’m not asking you to forgive me,” he’d continued, but Lucy paid no mind - she stepped forward and, against better judgement perhaps, she buried her face in his chest as she hugged him close, tears swimming once again in her eyes though she was smiling happily. She felt Natsu’s arms hold her as well, probably by instinct, and let herself feelonce again at peace in his embrace. “Or maybe I am,” the male mused, making Lucy chuckle lightly at the confused tone in his voice. “Look, Luce, I’m not very good at this, but if Ice Brain could get over his own dumbness and do it, I’ll be damned if I don’t.”

Once again, Lucy’s heart began running in her chest at full speed, and she pulled back only enough to be able to look up at Natsu. He was already looking down at her, a softness in his eyes she’d never noticed before, and it took her breath away; he looked so vulnerable and honest in that moment, it almost made her want to stay like this forever. She’d seen many sides of Natsu, but this... this felt like the only one she’d never met, and the one she wanted to keep forever the most. She didn’t want him to change, but this was a nice moment, then and there - then and there, she allowed herself to think about what she always knew.

She loved him loud and troublesome; she loved him at his weakest because he’d used up all his strength to protect her or their friends; she loved him stuffing his face with too much food for any normal human to digest; she loved him at his darkest, when he’d thought he’d lost her; she’d loved him at his softest, when he’d fallen asleep before her, holding her pillow to his face.

“I love you.”

The three words were echoed between them, almost as if they’d timed their confession. Lucy had been scared to say them for so long, but in that moment they just felt right. To hear her own voice mingle with his as they spoke the three words simultaneously felt like a perfect way for this to go - they would always be together, after all, even in confessing their true feelings for the other. She could see Natsu’s eyes widen when he realized she’d said those three words as well, and kept watching as his lips broke into the happiest grin she’d seen from him - widest than when she’d allowed him to eat to his heart’s content at the best restaurant in town, as a treat for his birthday. She couldn’t stop her own lips from mirroring his smile, hers not as wide and toothy but just as meaningful.

As she felt his hand slide down her head, brushing her hair and stopping at the back of her neck, she allowed her eyes to close and took a deep breath when she felt his forehead against hers. She wanted to lean up and kiss him, but didn’t want to disturb their peace by being too forward, wanted to allow him the time to get used to this new closeness between them. Funny how they’d seen each other naked before, how she’d laid against him with their skin completely bare, and this felt more intimate than any of those times. Feeling his steady breathing close in on hers, she puckered her lips slightly until they met his, his heat spreading through her like the ocean waves that had tried to drag her away earlier. This time, though, she felt like she was floating above them, as if her body was a part of this ocean, of him, even though their lips were simply touching, their mouths unmoving as they shared their first kiss.

Lucy stayed still as long as she could, enjoying the moment as it lasted, before she broke away to breathe. She didn’t move too far, though, and before long their lips were connected once again, this time gently pressing further, moving in a gentle dance as her head tilted and she got on her tip-toes to press herself into him further. She deepened the kiss when she felt him steady her against his whole body with his hand spread on the small of her back, his other hand holding her neck from behind and guiding her further into him. Their tongues met a few times as they shared their second kiss, her own hands pulling him closer, one sneaking under his vest and feeling the blazing heat of the skin of his back, the other grabbing at his one sleeve to hold herself upright. Once more, she only pulled away once she felt the desperate need to breathe, but this time they were both gasping for much needed air.

Deciding maybe they weren’t in the best place, or shape after his sleepless night, to keep going like this, Lucy opened her eyes to catch him looking at her through half-lidded ones. Releasing his vest, she raised her hand to his cheek to tread her thumb through the skin there, pulling his head down once again so their foreheads rested together. She’d seen him do this with her future self, how elated she’d looked at the contact, and she could understand her now - with Natsu’s breath mingled with hers, his warmth radiating over her, she was most content in that moment in time. She wondered if her future self had ever been this close to him, if she’d ever had a chance to know what his lips tasted like, or if she’d only dreamed of that moment, much like Lucy had done until now.

“Welp. Should’ve done this before,” he commented, obviously shaken by their kissing, and Lucy giggled; she agreed with him, of course, but didn’t dare say it. “I meant it, though - I dunno how any of this works. I’m not gonna be some Prince Charming from those weird books you and Erza read, but I do know I love you, and I love being with you and going on missions with you, and I don’t want that to change. I really don’t want you to leave me,” he confessed, and Lucy nodded lightly in agreement, maintaining their foreheads joined through it all.

“I’m not going anywhere, Natsu. Not without you, anyway,” she finally found her voice once again, a little clearer than earlier. “I was too lonely and lost without you before. Not just because I’d lost Aquarius and Fairy Tail, but you being gone... it felt like there was something missing from me.” She sighed softly, brown eyes meeting his as a flicker of guilt passed over them again. “I’ve forgiven you the moment you came back, though; I can’t really stay mad at you for long. I know why you went away, and why Makarov disbanded the guild, it just... sometimes it just hurts, but I know I can’t be selfish about that. I should’ve said something, though; to you, at least. I shouldn’t have bottled it up - I ended up snapping, and that was worse. I’m sorry.” Leaning up to peck his lips once again, she pulled back from his embrace swiftly, holding her hand out. “But we’re good now, and I’m hungry,” she laughed as Natsu’s own stomach grumbled, “and so are you. Let’s go. Everyone’s waiting.”

Lucy smiled as Natsu held her hand, lacing their fingers together. He looked at their joined hands curiously, like he’d never realized before how well their fingers fit together, and she couldn’t help herself from chuckling and lifting his hand to her lips to kiss the back of it. As she started to drag him behind her away from the shore, she felt a tug and looked back at the man, seeing him smile at her. She showed him a blissful grin in return, slowing down until they were walking side by side to go meet the rest of their friends - the other members of this messed up family they’d all fallen into.


End file.
